


Intra Demons And Inter Relations

by LilianMarsh



Series: Prose/Stream of Consciousness [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anger, Internal Monologue, Prose Poem, Stream of Consciousness, Strength
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 07:16:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11122413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilianMarsh/pseuds/LilianMarsh





	Intra Demons And Inter Relations

I am not about to loose myself to make someone else happy. I spent so long struggling with my self worth, fighting with the negative voices in my mind; they do not need help from the outside. They almost; ALMOST; tore me apart all on their own, but through the grace of God I made it out alive. You wonder why I do not speak, why I do not show interest in your gatherings? It is because what you say, what those people say, I have heard it all before. The words that come out of that family's mouth are nothing more than the audible echos of the monsters in my mind. They are the physical manifestation of everything I have tried to erase. They are the representation of everything I tried to convince myself that I wasn't. Their negativity and condescending superiority coils around my chest like a snake. Their desire to control and manipulate crushes the air from my lungs. With every word they speak, poison soaks into my veins. The clear segregation they demonstrate shows my value in their arrogant eyes. Yet despite the forks in their tongues and hate in their speech they have the audacity to tell me I am rude. They have the nerve to say, "why are you so antisocial?" Yet they are too blind to see and too ignorant to hear that I am not advert to social contact, but I detest the thought of living in their social construct. Through pain, toil, and supernatural intervention I can stand in front of mirror and not turn away. I have finally put down the all consuming fear of emptiness and seen the value of my soul. I have realized that harming myself does not alter my circumstance, but that those circumstances are temporary and my being is eternal. I have decided that I am worth more alive than death. And I have realized that they will never change, but that does not mean I have to stay the same. So why would I struggle to climb out of the abyss that was my mind just to have those people waiting at the top to shove me back in it? Why would I sit at a table of thieves who steal joy with their every breath? Why would listen to the words I have heard before? So I will leave the vipers in their pit, forever satisfied with the decay they created. But I will not be one of the skeletons that adorn their walls. I will not be the victim of their persecution. I will leave the dark crevices in which they reside and search for the Sun. I will see the beauty in the stars and oceans, in all this earth has to offer. And I will not feel anger but sadness for the serpents I left behind, because they polish death as if it is the greatest treasure and live trapped in caves unaware of the vastness and freedom outside. I will morn for the beasts that have become so entangled in their narrow mindedness that they can no longer see the error of their ways. But I will not go back. Instead I will move forward, not forgetting the snakes, but learning fro them. Hoping that one day I may meet others who have escaped their own pits and together we can walk in the light.


End file.
